Someone asked me a few weeks ago how to balance a man’s headship as husband “while giving consideration to his wife” with regard to 1 Peter 3:7:
We must realize that there are cultural situations behind all the verses in the New Testament dealing with the relationships between and function of men and women. This is especially true of the writings of Paul and Peter to former pagans who had found Christianity and who were making clumsy efforts to live it out still laden with elements of their pagan past and culture. Our task is to discover those cultural situations and determine what principle the apostles were getting across within the respective context, so that we can apply the principle of Scripture to our context, now 20 centuries removed from the original. The problem is that the cultural elements are taken for granted in the text and therefore not explained.
As for the first century, Peter’s admonition turns the cultural norm on its head. The woman you marry is to be treated as an equal. She does have legitimate thoughts and she does have something valid to say. She is a person of worth and value, not just a slave who bears our children. She has the capacity to make a valuable contribution to the mission of the household. She is worthy of your honor. This was radical and unheard of in the pagan world of Peter’s day.
As for the “weaker vessel” business, did you notice the word as? It is used for comparison. Peter tells us husbands we had better treat our wives with honor as if she were a fragile, valuable, and cherished piece of pottery that deserves special treatment. She is not to be treated like the cattle, in other words.
What does that mean to us? For one thing, it means we are in a state of romance and courtship with her, continually wooing the affections of her heart. Surprise her with gifts and get-aways. Open the car door for her. Talk to her. Help her around the house. Then there is the matter of honor. It means respect, value, regard as something special and priceless. The priceless “weaker vessel” we just read about.
When family decisions need to be made, listen to what she has to say, and carefully regard her opinion. Discover why she thinks the way she does -- she probably has considered an emotional or practical element that you left out. Men, she is not stupid!
Peter mentioned living with her with knowledge, which suggests we need to study her and know her (not an easy thing to do).
Our problem in the husband-wife relationship in our culture is that we have lost the meaning of headship. Notice that Peter says that with our wives we are “heirs together of the grace of life.” They walk by our side, not ten steps behind. We no longer see headship in terms of covenantal commitment, and instead we default to a chain-of-command. Some of us demand complete submission from our wives (which usually means waiting on us hand and foot) but we do not love them sacrificially. We are making our wives slaves as the first century Roman pagans did.
Personal example: As my help-meet, my wife willingly and joyfully lives into my call and mission to pastor my churches. She helps me in every way to accomplish that. She has given me nine children and has managed their home schooling for over 20 years. But she is not my slave. I do not come home, plop into my easy chair with TV remote, and begin demanding that she bring me a glass of iced tea. I do not have the authority to make demands of her in that way. I do not have the right to treat her that way. I can ask her to help me in certain ways in my ministry, and she does. Also, I ask her opinion of things I am doing and decisions I am having to make, and I listen to her counsel. Many times I hear God speaking through her. But I do not order her around.
Biblical headship means that someone in covenantal authority assumes responsibility before God to be prophet and priest on behalf of others. If I am head of my house, that means I represent my family before God and I represent God to my family by setting example and teaching. I am responsible for providing, and I don’t make my wife go to work so I can make payments on a bass boat. It means when the hard things need to be done, I do them. It means when my family is in danger of harm I do what it takes to protect them. When anything goes wrong, I am responsible. Biblical headship means living as a first among equals, bearing responsibility for the whole. Authority is deserved only when responsibility is met.
The last phrase gets my attention. Do these things that your prayers may not be hindered. What I think I am seeing there is that we might as well not try to function as priest toward God on behalf of the family if we are not actually being priest to the family. To do one without the other is inconsistent and hypocritical. Don’t treat your wife like dirt and expect God to listen to you.
I am preparing a series of posts on the love-respect relationship between husband and wife. Let me summarize here by observing that the submission part we so often demand from our wives will come easily, naturally, and appropriately if we husbands simply will love our wives with covenantal, sacrificial love. Paul described it in terms of how Christ loved the church. Peter describes it as treating your wife as if she is a prized possession, valuable and protected.
How do you balance headship with giving consideration to your wife? Easy. Love her. Treat her with honor.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.This passage arises from a cultural climate that considered women intellectually inferior to men. Anything women had to say could and should be disregarded. They had no legal standing because they were deemed unable to make sound decisions on their own.
We must realize that there are cultural situations behind all the verses in the New Testament dealing with the relationships between and function of men and women. This is especially true of the writings of Paul and Peter to former pagans who had found Christianity and who were making clumsy efforts to live it out still laden with elements of their pagan past and culture. Our task is to discover those cultural situations and determine what principle the apostles were getting across within the respective context, so that we can apply the principle of Scripture to our context, now 20 centuries removed from the original. The problem is that the cultural elements are taken for granted in the text and therefore not explained.
As for the first century, Peter’s admonition turns the cultural norm on its head. The woman you marry is to be treated as an equal. She does have legitimate thoughts and she does have something valid to say. She is a person of worth and value, not just a slave who bears our children. She has the capacity to make a valuable contribution to the mission of the household. She is worthy of your honor. This was radical and unheard of in the pagan world of Peter’s day.
As for the “weaker vessel” business, did you notice the word as? It is used for comparison. Peter tells us husbands we had better treat our wives with honor as if she were a fragile, valuable, and cherished piece of pottery that deserves special treatment. She is not to be treated like the cattle, in other words.
What does that mean to us? For one thing, it means we are in a state of romance and courtship with her, continually wooing the affections of her heart. Surprise her with gifts and get-aways. Open the car door for her. Talk to her. Help her around the house. Then there is the matter of honor. It means respect, value, regard as something special and priceless. The priceless “weaker vessel” we just read about.
When family decisions need to be made, listen to what she has to say, and carefully regard her opinion. Discover why she thinks the way she does -- she probably has considered an emotional or practical element that you left out. Men, she is not stupid!
Peter mentioned living with her with knowledge, which suggests we need to study her and know her (not an easy thing to do).
Our problem in the husband-wife relationship in our culture is that we have lost the meaning of headship. Notice that Peter says that with our wives we are “heirs together of the grace of life.” They walk by our side, not ten steps behind. We no longer see headship in terms of covenantal commitment, and instead we default to a chain-of-command. Some of us demand complete submission from our wives (which usually means waiting on us hand and foot) but we do not love them sacrificially. We are making our wives slaves as the first century Roman pagans did.
Personal example: As my help-meet, my wife willingly and joyfully lives into my call and mission to pastor my churches. She helps me in every way to accomplish that. She has given me nine children and has managed their home schooling for over 20 years. But she is not my slave. I do not come home, plop into my easy chair with TV remote, and begin demanding that she bring me a glass of iced tea. I do not have the authority to make demands of her in that way. I do not have the right to treat her that way. I can ask her to help me in certain ways in my ministry, and she does. Also, I ask her opinion of things I am doing and decisions I am having to make, and I listen to her counsel. Many times I hear God speaking through her. But I do not order her around.
Biblical headship means that someone in covenantal authority assumes responsibility before God to be prophet and priest on behalf of others. If I am head of my house, that means I represent my family before God and I represent God to my family by setting example and teaching. I am responsible for providing, and I don’t make my wife go to work so I can make payments on a bass boat. It means when the hard things need to be done, I do them. It means when my family is in danger of harm I do what it takes to protect them. When anything goes wrong, I am responsible. Biblical headship means living as a first among equals, bearing responsibility for the whole. Authority is deserved only when responsibility is met.
The last phrase gets my attention. Do these things that your prayers may not be hindered. What I think I am seeing there is that we might as well not try to function as priest toward God on behalf of the family if we are not actually being priest to the family. To do one without the other is inconsistent and hypocritical. Don’t treat your wife like dirt and expect God to listen to you.
I am preparing a series of posts on the love-respect relationship between husband and wife. Let me summarize here by observing that the submission part we so often demand from our wives will come easily, naturally, and appropriately if we husbands simply will love our wives with covenantal, sacrificial love. Paul described it in terms of how Christ loved the church. Peter describes it as treating your wife as if she is a prized possession, valuable and protected.
How do you balance headship with giving consideration to your wife? Easy. Love her. Treat her with honor.
We make the covenantal promise to love and honor our wives at our wedding. To become demanding and abusive to our wives is to violate that covenant promise, and therefore to disqualify us from priestly privilege and hinder our prayers.
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