These three words are often used synonymously to describe the state of being a man. However, as I ruminate over these words and think about the various ways we men live our lives, I believe we can discover helpful distinctions that mark and inform our growth in maturity as a man.
“Male,” of course, refers to gender. We are born of the male gender, with certain characteristics that come with the package. A generous supply of testosterone makes us strong and wild. Sometimes we do not know our own strength. Testosterone also directs a very strong sex drive, fueled by visual images that catch our attention. Male means action, force, and sex. Male also means passion to conquer and create, and strong feelings. Male means irresponsibility and acting on impulse. If patriarchy fails to harness the raw energy of maleness we are locked in perpetual male adolescence, and will have a hard life in addition to creating hardship for many others. This is where we start.
“Masculine” is what happens when we begin the process of separation. Masculinity is characterized by making distinction, separating, withdrawing to be one’ own man. In healthy situations it begins when we are children, recognizing that we are no longer attached to mother, we are not like her, and we cannot have her as our own. We begin noticing girls and distinctions between those of the fairer sex and us. We begin looking to other males for help in learning how to be a man.
The Hebrews recognized God as masculine (and not necessarily as male) because he deals with us in terms of separation and making distinctions. Creation was a separation of the elements into order, and salvation comes to us through making a series of sanctifying distinctions.
With us masculinity means carefully and over a period of time separating ourselves from being emotionally stuck to others (family, friends, etc.) to be fully differentiated on our own. We need this to be healthy. This means cutting the apron strings from mama. It means times of solitude and going off on our own. At the same time masculinity carries a degree of melancholy or sadness because of the constant separations that must be made.
If we don’t adjust well from these separations we may try to numb the pain with excessive or obsessive bahaviors with work, alcohol or drugs, sex, or obsessions with outdoor “macho” activities like hunting or athletics. We may become anti-social and withdrawn.
The separations in the process of masculinity are essential. Without them we are not fully differentiated and will become effeminate or feminized. Our strength and passion to conquer and create will be subdued. Our culture does not understand this and does not help boys harness the maleness within and properly differentiate through masculinity. That is why so many males today are immature or effeminate. They have not been exposed to masculinity.
To be a “man” means to be a mature, differentiated, responsible male. It is to have vision and passion and strength channeled in a positive direction. It is to have the maturity of the likeness of Christ and lead others into kingdom building. It is to harness sexual energies with one woman to build Godly families, and to protect, provide, and nurture wife and children. It is to live in covenant.
In other words, to be a man is to be a patriarch. It is to live in perpetual death to self in deference to the well-being of others. I love the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 16:13 (King James): “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.”
Are you a male? Good. Our maleness is the raw material, the soil of the earth, that God uses to shape into something for his glory. Are you masculine? Good again. You have learned and experienced a degree of sometimes painful separation and distinction and are learning to be your own man. It seems we spend a lifetime doing that.
But the important question is, are you a man? Have you experienced death to self so that you can live into the resurrection of Christ? Are you, as Wesley asked, going on to perfection? Are you responsible and living in covenant? Do you channel those wild energies and passions into the pursuit of God’s perfect will?
Be a man. Watch, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Do everything you do in love.
“Male,” of course, refers to gender. We are born of the male gender, with certain characteristics that come with the package. A generous supply of testosterone makes us strong and wild. Sometimes we do not know our own strength. Testosterone also directs a very strong sex drive, fueled by visual images that catch our attention. Male means action, force, and sex. Male also means passion to conquer and create, and strong feelings. Male means irresponsibility and acting on impulse. If patriarchy fails to harness the raw energy of maleness we are locked in perpetual male adolescence, and will have a hard life in addition to creating hardship for many others. This is where we start.
“Masculine” is what happens when we begin the process of separation. Masculinity is characterized by making distinction, separating, withdrawing to be one’ own man. In healthy situations it begins when we are children, recognizing that we are no longer attached to mother, we are not like her, and we cannot have her as our own. We begin noticing girls and distinctions between those of the fairer sex and us. We begin looking to other males for help in learning how to be a man.
The Hebrews recognized God as masculine (and not necessarily as male) because he deals with us in terms of separation and making distinctions. Creation was a separation of the elements into order, and salvation comes to us through making a series of sanctifying distinctions.
With us masculinity means carefully and over a period of time separating ourselves from being emotionally stuck to others (family, friends, etc.) to be fully differentiated on our own. We need this to be healthy. This means cutting the apron strings from mama. It means times of solitude and going off on our own. At the same time masculinity carries a degree of melancholy or sadness because of the constant separations that must be made.
If we don’t adjust well from these separations we may try to numb the pain with excessive or obsessive bahaviors with work, alcohol or drugs, sex, or obsessions with outdoor “macho” activities like hunting or athletics. We may become anti-social and withdrawn.
The separations in the process of masculinity are essential. Without them we are not fully differentiated and will become effeminate or feminized. Our strength and passion to conquer and create will be subdued. Our culture does not understand this and does not help boys harness the maleness within and properly differentiate through masculinity. That is why so many males today are immature or effeminate. They have not been exposed to masculinity.
To be a “man” means to be a mature, differentiated, responsible male. It is to have vision and passion and strength channeled in a positive direction. It is to have the maturity of the likeness of Christ and lead others into kingdom building. It is to harness sexual energies with one woman to build Godly families, and to protect, provide, and nurture wife and children. It is to live in covenant.
In other words, to be a man is to be a patriarch. It is to live in perpetual death to self in deference to the well-being of others. I love the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 16:13 (King James): “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.”
Are you a male? Good. Our maleness is the raw material, the soil of the earth, that God uses to shape into something for his glory. Are you masculine? Good again. You have learned and experienced a degree of sometimes painful separation and distinction and are learning to be your own man. It seems we spend a lifetime doing that.
But the important question is, are you a man? Have you experienced death to self so that you can live into the resurrection of Christ? Are you, as Wesley asked, going on to perfection? Are you responsible and living in covenant? Do you channel those wild energies and passions into the pursuit of God’s perfect will?
Be a man. Watch, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Do everything you do in love.
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