Before I move on to Paul’s command for husbands to love their wives, I still need to address one more responsibility we have to help our wives submit. Remember that submission happens when a woman voluntarily places herself under the authority of her husband, usually because she has seen something in him that is respectworthy. This is not something we demand, it is something we earn from fulfilling patriarchal responsibilities.
Part and parcel with trust is the sense of security. When a woman submits to the marriage (sexual) relationship she makes herself vulnerable because she is the one who will bear children. She needs to feel secure in the marriage, she needs to know that the man is covenantally committed to her and will fulfill his patriarchal role.
It is often opined that women really want financial security, but this is not necessarily the case. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, in their work For Men Only, discovered that women need five things to feel secure. Here is a brief list and description:
She needs to feel you are close. Money in the bank is no match for the feeling that her man loves her and is intimate with her. She must feel that you love her from the little things you do for her. This does not mean sexual intimacy, it means friendship.
She must see you making time together a priority. When you are not working, she wants to see that you value spending time with her and the kids. If you head off to the lake or the golf course at every opportunity you miss it here.
She must see you demonstrate your commitment. This is why patriarchy is so important, and living out the covenant promise we have made.
She must see you active in parenting and the life of the home. She actually wants you to fulfill a patriarchal role, of ruling with direction and vision. She wants you to be involved with the children, and let her talk through situations she is facing. She also wants to feel you appreciate what she does.
She must see you make the effort to provide. Regardless of whether your wife works outside the home, biblically it is the husband’s responsibility to provide. Period. She will feel secure if she sees you working hard at it. Wealth is not the issue, it is the commitment and living up to responsibility. She is willing to endure great hardship, and help stretch every penney if she sees you working hard at it.
When a woman feels secure she can easily submit. You don’t have to tell her to do it. So you see, for a woman to submit as Paul said we men have a lot of work to do. It is the patriarchal way.
Now, next week we begin exploring how a husband loves his wife.
Part and parcel with trust is the sense of security. When a woman submits to the marriage (sexual) relationship she makes herself vulnerable because she is the one who will bear children. She needs to feel secure in the marriage, she needs to know that the man is covenantally committed to her and will fulfill his patriarchal role.
It is often opined that women really want financial security, but this is not necessarily the case. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, in their work For Men Only, discovered that women need five things to feel secure. Here is a brief list and description:
She needs to feel you are close. Money in the bank is no match for the feeling that her man loves her and is intimate with her. She must feel that you love her from the little things you do for her. This does not mean sexual intimacy, it means friendship.
She must see you making time together a priority. When you are not working, she wants to see that you value spending time with her and the kids. If you head off to the lake or the golf course at every opportunity you miss it here.
She must see you demonstrate your commitment. This is why patriarchy is so important, and living out the covenant promise we have made.
She must see you active in parenting and the life of the home. She actually wants you to fulfill a patriarchal role, of ruling with direction and vision. She wants you to be involved with the children, and let her talk through situations she is facing. She also wants to feel you appreciate what she does.
She must see you make the effort to provide. Regardless of whether your wife works outside the home, biblically it is the husband’s responsibility to provide. Period. She will feel secure if she sees you working hard at it. Wealth is not the issue, it is the commitment and living up to responsibility. She is willing to endure great hardship, and help stretch every penney if she sees you working hard at it.
When a woman feels secure she can easily submit. You don’t have to tell her to do it. So you see, for a woman to submit as Paul said we men have a lot of work to do. It is the patriarchal way.
Now, next week we begin exploring how a husband loves his wife.
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