Under authority, in authority

I have been in conversations lately where the issue of authority has come up. Church members do not like the denominational authorities over us, and openly chafe at them. Others question the authority of the pastor in certain areas, openly resist them. There are complaints about the boss at work. And of course, there are the political issues.

As men we like to be in authority. God wired us to be in charge of our own domain, to fashion something useful or beautiful out of the raw material God gave us. Here in the American South, particularly in my little corner of the mountain, we prize our independence as well as our authority.

To complicate, we are moving into a period of time called the postmodern era, where folks come along questioning and rejecting any authority over them. All authority is suspect, only “community” and “democracy” are acceptable.

Yet here is a truth we cannot run too far from. The Bible teaches authority, and clearly recognizes that God places human authority, however imperfect, into our lives. “The powers that be,” Paul reminds us, “are ordained of God” (Rom. 13:1). To resist authority, he continues, is to resist God.

When Paul articulated those principles he was writing within the context of the Roman government, possibly the most brutal and oppressive regime every to lord over humans. Yet Paul recognized that God had ordained them and recommended submission to them. I cannot imagine a civil government or an eccelsiastical organization in the same league with the Roman government.

It occurs to me that we cannot have authority unless we are willing to live under it. Jesus was mighty impressed with the Roman centurian who asked Jesus to heal his servant (Matthew chapter 8). “I am a man under authority,” he explained. “I have soldiers and servants under me, and all I have to do is speak the word, and they obey.” That was his basis for asking Jesus to command the spirits to release his servant from the torment of palsy. Jesus regarded the association of under authority/in authority as faith, and granted his request.

Men, that means we don’t have the right to beat our chest at home and make demands for wife and children to “submit” unless we have submitted to authorities elsewhere in our lives. Period.

Think about work. Talk about the boss behind his back? Argue, cut corners, show up late, or leave early? This is blatant disrespect for authority.

What about at church? Give the pastor a hard time? Chafe at the denominational expectations and the officials at the home office? You have not placed yourself under authority.

Join in on critical jeers at the President? Other public officials? We like to pile on, particularly if they are from the other party from our own. I heard (and continue to hear) ruthless and evil criticisms against President Bush (particularly from those who claim to be most loving and open-minded) while he was in office. Now I hear critical comments against President Obama from those closer to my own political point of view. Both are disobedient to Scripture. We are to call our leaders’ names in prayer, not slander.

Human authorities are just that -- human. And they make mistakes, sometimes big ones. That does not absolve us from our responsibilities and excuse rebellion. Remember that they, too, are under authority and will answer to higher authority, not you. So shut up, and give respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due.

We may value our independence and rebellion but God does not. He calls rebellion witchcraft or sorcery (1 Sam. 15:23) and reminds us that while living in that sin we cannot inherit the kingdom of God (Gal. 5:19-21; Rev. 21:7-9, 22:14, 15). Independence is an idol of pride, and idolaters have the same fate as sorcerers.

You will not be able to adequately and effectively exercise the authority has given you in your domain until you have learned to live under the authority jurisdictions God has placed over you. And remember, your authority is granted not so that you can be served, but that you can exercise the responsibility of true patriarchy in serving your family and those under your care.

Thoughts for a new year

Whenever we trade one calendar for another many of us think about straightening up our act, getting our act together, starting fresh for the new year. Some of us make “new year’s resolutions,” others of us clean out the garage or organize our workspace, or decide to lose weight and exercise more.

Reflection and deciding to take on change is a good thing. It helps us to continually renew, to occasionally monitor what we are doing in light of our goals and values, and to adjust course and change habits.

Let me point you into a direction as you consider new year changes you’d like to make. Think in terms of how you can more clearly differentiate who you are. Are you influenced too much by others? Do you give in on important things to keep peace? Do you “go along to get along” and compromise core values and principles?

And speaking of values, it may be a good time to sit down and carefully think through what you believe and what is important, and write something down on paper. It could be a lengthy narrative or a bullet-list. What could you do more fully live into and be guided by what is really important?

Evaluate your commitment to patriarchy. How can you show devoted love to your wife? How can you be more respect-worthy in her eyes? How can you encourage her unshakable trust in you? How can you make her feel emotionally secure?

What about the children? Spend time thinking deeply about their future, and what you can do now to send those arrows toward the right target. How can you better instill the values, belief patterns, and behaviors that will ensure a good life, pleasing to the Lord? How can you encourage their curiosity and sense of discovery, so that they will know how to learn and discover and recognize truth all their lives?

Most important, what about your relationship with God? Have a reasonable prayer life? Attend church functions that actually challenge you and help you grow in faith and character? Have spiritual mentor to talk to and learn from? Working on reading and understanding the Bible better?

I can’t tell you how important it is for us to get away, remove hindrances and distractions, and think deeply about things like this from time to time. The coming of a new year, and the change of a calendar, can be a good discipline to help us do just that. I’m going to take a day or two to do that. Maybe you can work it out to do that, too.

Patriarch Joseph

As we come into the week of Christmas our minds will inevitably turn to the Christmas story. A love story that turns complicated with the intrusion of an unplanned pregnancy, and a turn of events Hollywood could never make up.

We admire a brave young woman, barely marriageable age, and recently betrothed, for accepting the word of the Lord and agreeing to carry and give birth to the Messiah, despite the severe social consequences she will endure. We have to admire her courage. We have to applaud her willingness to give up everything to be obedient to God. She reminds us that when God blesses us he turns our world upside down.

As with many birth stories the focus most often is on the mother. I’d like to think today about the Christ Child’s adoptive father, Joseph the true patriarch.

He is a hard working carpenter, meaning he could be a wood-joiner and maker of furniture and other products from wood, or a stone mason, or both. He also has social connections. In fact, if it had not been for the Jewish captivity and the turn of history he would be king, a direct descendant of David himself. Prestigious among those who regard those things as important in his world, but not doing him much good in the Roman regime.

Now let’s consider his character. We are told he is a righteous man, and when he discovers Mary is pregnant during a time when she should be chaste, he decides to extend grace, and part ways privately and without allegation or charges. When the angel visits him in a dream to encourage him, he agrees to take her as his wife.

By taking Mary on Joseph willingly compromises his own reputation in the close-knit society of Nazareth. He publicly accepts responsibility (and the stigma) for what everyone assumes is immoral behavior and claims the unborn child as his own. The babe is thereby adopted and for all legal and practical purposes as the child of Joseph. He brings Mary and child under his roof, and accepts full responsibility for their care and protection. He also defers his own gratification until the child is born.

When taxation and registration force Joseph to travel to the home of his fathers, he takes Mary, “great with child,” with him. He assures her safety and makes sure she has somewhere to rest and give birth. After her purification, he presents the child in the temple and offers prescribed sacrifices for his “firstborn.” The Lord warns him of danger from Herod’s paranoia, and he takes mother and child away to Egypt to ensure safety.

We catch a glimpse of Joseph twelve years later, as the family travels with others home from the Passover observance at Jerusalem. When they miss young Jesus after a day of travel, Joseph returns to Jerusalem and searches frantically for three days before finding him in the temple, doing “his father’s business”.

We don’t see Joseph in person after that. But we do see the lasting impression he made on his Son, who at age 30 walked away from the carpenter shop to accept the call to be the savior of the world. We see Joseph’s willingness to obey at great personal sacrifice. We see Joseph’s ability to hear the Lord and to see beyond the immediate circumstance and to live for the greater good. We see Joseph’s ability to defer personal gratification. The mark of a true patriarch is to be able to recognize him in his children.

Joseph is a patriarch because he uses his masculine strength to protect, provide, and make a way for a brighter future. Not just for his family, but for all mankind.

Thoughts on prophet, priest, and king

In looking at the site meter I noticed that many readers find and click into my journal from Google searches for prophet, priest, and king. The concept is intriguing or intimidating, or both.

The thought that I need to learn how to be prophet, priest, and king in my home catches me off guard. The culture around us has tamed us into being “really nice guys.” In the entertainment media fathers are universally presented as clueless and irrelevant dopes. In the politically correct world patriarchy has been falsely reinterpreted to represent authoritarian abuse of women and children.

Also I think we have inherited from our first father the sin of passivity (or is it just plain laziness?) and have to work at being on top of things and leading our families in a godly way. We also have to struggle with selfishness and differentiation issues.

So how do we think of prophet, priest, and king in the modern context? I think you have to see the roles from the biblical intention, what God had in mind for each of these. Then I think you can make application.

The first prophets were seers, who had ecstatic experiences and spoke as the Holy Spirit gave utterance. Later they became messengers of God’s word to kings, interpreting Scripture. Prophets see and hear what God is saying and tell others so they can make good decisions. They use their wisdom and experience to “see” into the future and understand what will happen if we remain on a particular course. Prophets are eccentric and sometimes harsh in making a point.

Priest is advocate. Our best example of patriarch as priest is of course Job, who was concerned that his adult children might sin against God in their ongoing partying. So he offered sacrifices on their behalf continually. Sacrifice is the fundamental basis of worship, or approaching God. Under the Jewish order animal sacrifices were sufficient. In the church, only self-sacrifice, in the footsteps of Jesus, will do.

God meant for kings to be shepherds, or leaders of the flocks. Shepherds lead, groom, and provide healthcare for sheep so they will be profitable when presented at market. What goes into the development of sheep is intended to influence how profitable they will be later on. Shepherding people means discipling. Relationship. Pointing to a future direction.

See how these relate together? Prophet hears from God, while priest approaches God. King takes what has come from God and bestows into the lives of those in his charge.

It occurs to me that to do a good job as prophet, priest, and king, we need to be men of prayer. Which is a hard thing to do because our feminized world confuses prayer with long, wordy entreaties done just so. More than once I have heard the phrase, “I am not a praying man.”

So how can men pray? I’ll give that some thought and get back to you next week.

This is war

Please take time to listen to this sermon clip from Paul Washer. It inspires me greatly and I thought I would pass it along to you. If you would like to see a longer version go here.

Male, masculine, man

These three words are often used synonymously to describe the state of being a man. However, as I ruminate over these words and think about the various ways we men live our lives, I believe we can discover helpful distinctions that mark and inform our growth in maturity as a man.

“Male,” of course, refers to gender. We are born of the male gender, with certain characteristics that come with the package. A generous supply of testosterone makes us strong and wild. Sometimes we do not know our own strength. Testosterone also directs a very strong sex drive, fueled by visual images that catch our attention. Male means action, force, and sex. Male also means passion to conquer and create, and strong feelings. Male means irresponsibility and acting on impulse. If patriarchy fails to harness the raw energy of maleness we are locked in perpetual male adolescence, and will have a hard life in addition to creating hardship for many others. This is where we start.

“Masculine” is what happens when we begin the process of separation. Masculinity is characterized by making distinction, separating, withdrawing to be one’ own man. In healthy situations it begins when we are children, recognizing that we are no longer attached to mother, we are not like her, and we cannot have her as our own. We begin noticing girls and distinctions between those of the fairer sex and us. We begin looking to other males for help in learning how to be a man.

The Hebrews recognized God as masculine (and not necessarily as male) because he deals with us in terms of separation and making distinctions. Creation was a separation of the elements into order, and salvation comes to us through making a series of sanctifying distinctions.

With us masculinity means carefully and over a period of time separating ourselves from being emotionally stuck to others (family, friends, etc.) to be fully differentiated on our own. We need this to be healthy. This means cutting the apron strings from mama. It means times of solitude and going off on our own. At the same time masculinity carries a degree of melancholy or sadness because of the constant separations that must be made.

If we don’t adjust well from these separations we may try to numb the pain with excessive or obsessive bahaviors with work, alcohol or drugs, sex, or obsessions with outdoor “macho” activities like hunting or athletics. We may become anti-social and withdrawn.

The separations in the process of masculinity are essential. Without them we are not fully differentiated and will become effeminate or feminized. Our strength and passion to conquer and create will be subdued. Our culture does not understand this and does not help boys harness the maleness within and properly differentiate through masculinity. That is why so many males today are immature or effeminate. They have not been exposed to masculinity.

To be a “man” means to be a mature, differentiated, responsible male. It is to have vision and passion and strength channeled in a positive direction. It is to have the maturity of the likeness of Christ and lead others into kingdom building. It is to harness sexual energies with one woman to build Godly families, and to protect, provide, and nurture wife and children. It is to live in covenant.

In other words, to be a man is to be a patriarch. It is to live in perpetual death to self in deference to the well-being of others. I love the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 16:13 (King James): “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.”

Are you a male? Good. Our maleness is the raw material, the soil of the earth, that God uses to shape into something for his glory. Are you masculine? Good again. You have learned and experienced a degree of sometimes painful separation and distinction and are learning to be your own man. It seems we spend a lifetime doing that.

But the important question is, are you a man? Have you experienced death to self so that you can live into the resurrection of Christ? Are you, as Wesley asked, going on to perfection? Are you responsible and living in covenant? Do you channel those wild energies and passions into the pursuit of God’s perfect will?

Be a man. Watch, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Do everything you do in love.

The birds and the bees

Mature content warning: This last installment in the series on the way of a man with a maid concerns the sexual component of the love-respect cycle. It is for mature men seeking perspective of their sexuality within marriage. Please direct children away.

There is no way to get around it. Marriage is a sexual relationship. Douglas Wilson bluntly points out, and I have reminded my daughters, that a man who approaches a woman is looking for a way to get her into his bed. The question is whether he doing it honorably or dishonorably. Bishop Will Willimon reminds us in an equally blunt way that a wedding is where the couple stops off at church before going to bed together the first time.

Men are sexual creatures. They are wired and driven to unite with a woman physically to copulate and to reproduce. This provides a great sense of pleasure and psychological fulfilment. Their actual biological function in reproduction is brief and often repeated. Without moral or cultural restraint of some kind a man would be on the constant prowl. Because men are visually stimulated, the sight of a beautiful woman affects pleasure receptors in the brain, increases hormone production, and makes the heart rate go up. If the woman provides more stimulus with scant or no clothing he is attracted even more. This is a simple fact of life we cannot overlook.

A woman, on the other hand is sexually vulnerable. If she submits to the man’s sexual advances she has the possibility of becoming pregnant and giving birth to his child. Even in our day of birth control there is the possibility exists in her mind. She has the greater role in reproduction because she bears the child and responsibility for him or her until maturity.

The cultural and moral restraint on sexual expression lies within patriarchy, where a man recognizes his God-given sexuality and seeks out a woman who will share his life and his bed, promising to provide and protect her and the children she has from their union.

In the way of a man with a maid the man initiates, the woman responds. So the man seeking a bride seeks out a woman and first seeks to win her attention and her respect. She must come to see him as someone with whom she could share his life vision. Through the process of courtship she must be able to make a good decision that he is not only respectworthy but that he is trustworthy to remain faithful to her and that she can feel secure. When these things are worked out in her mind, she begins to move emotionally toward him with the feeling that she could submit, or voluntarily place herself under, this man.

At this point, the man can begin to woo her heart. He can speak of his love for her and the attraction of her beauty, and how he cannot live without her. This of course awakens romance and hastens the emotional movement toward him.

I want to make it emphatically clear that if a man begins to woo the heart of a woman without first going through the steps of showing himself respectworthy, trustworthy, and guarantor of security, he is confusing her and manipulating her with the hope of getting her into his bed. He is dishonorable. He is manipulating her into sexual submission without the prerequisit responsibility on his part, and he is a scoundrel. The marriage, if it happens, will not last.

It is critical to realize that when romance happens between man and woman they are both sexually aroused, and to not be able to act on it leads to frustration. I advocate and practice a system of courtship in my home, where a suitor must declare his intentions and win my daughter’s respect before he starts to romance her. As a patriarchal father I am determined my daughters will get to the marriage altar with both purity and heart intact. This cannot happen in the current youth culture dating scene, and the father who believes it can is a fool.

When the man romances the woman to to the point she is ready to completely submit, and she accepts his proposal of marriage, I believe a short engagement is called for because they know what they need to know, they are sexually aroused, and they need to be able to morally act on their feelings.

After the wedding it takes work from both to keep the flame lit. Wife, submit. Respect him and rcognize his sexual needs are greater than yours. Husband, love. Live out your covenantal commitment and touch her heart with romance. Love her to the point of surrender.

Love me tender, love me true

As I continue the series on they way of a man with a maid, recall that to this point I have written of what a godly man does to help his wife submit to him. Remember that when everything is working right, the man initiates and the woman follows. Man was created first, then the woman. Man was given mission and moral compass, and woman was created from his side to live by his side in pursuit of mission and moral. I believe the degree of submission a woman is able to freely attain is directly related to the effort a man puts into gaining her respect, earning her trust, and ensuring her security.

I’m wondering if all the effort I put into earning my wife’s submission is part of the command for me to love my wife. Paul admonished Ephesian husbands to love their wives “as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her” (Eph. 5:25).

Love is universally misunderstood. Despite what our culture tells you, love has little to do with warm fuzzies and sentimental notions brought on by a rush of hormones. Although feelings are great, genuine love remains long after the euphoria of romance fades. To love is to remain unconditionally committed to someone. It is a covenantal relationship. In marriage it is a patriarchal relationship. It is a relationship in which a man is heavily invested in the care and protection of his wife and all who are under his authority.

Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Jesus invested his earthly ministry in a few men and gave them authority and power to continue the work. Then he went to the cross to complete the sacrificial system, pay the sin debt of humanity, and then pave the way for the beginning of the church. This suggests that a husband’s love is sacrificial in that he puts aside his own interests to tend the greater needs of his wife and family.

So exactly how is it that a man should love his wife? Let’s look to the text of Ephesians chapter 5 for some clues . . .

Teach. A husband teaches his wife, indicating a need to be the spiritual leader and teacher of the household. Remember prophet, priest, and king? Too many times, due to the man’s inaction and passivity, the wife becomes spiritually advanced and then is tempted to take spiritual matters into her own hands. When this happens she openly disrespects her husband and does not fully submit to him. But this usually has something to do with the fact that the man’s love failed because he did not keep ahead. He was too proccupied with other things. I am convinced a husband needs to study the Scriptures and be versed in the various points of view in order to be conversant on spiritual matters and to be able to answer the questions of wife and children. How could you become the teacher of your household?

Cherish. The Greek word in the text comes from a root which means to warm or to heat, indicating the warmth of genuine affection. While you need sex, your wife needs affection and warmth. She is more willing to respond sexually (submit) when her needs for affection are met. I believe you meet those through respectful manners, kind words and deeds, and expressions of love and devotion that touch her heart. Give attention to the romance of the relationship. I note that a young suitor often expresses love in romantic ways to win his girl’s affection, but often forgets to do that after the wedding. Love your wife by continuing the romance, wooing her over and over again.

Sanctify. To sanctify means to set apart. You sanctify your wife be making her feel special, your one-and-only. Your wife needs to feel you are particularly devoted to her, that she is the most cherished and beautiful person to you in the world. She needs to feel that your expressions of love (verbal and physical) are genuine and directed to her.

The important thing to remember about the way of a man with a maid is that it is a relationship cycle or system, where the efforts of one affect the efforts of the other. Remember the principle: man initiates, woman responds. The way of a man with a maid is that a godly man pursues a woman he believes he can love with his whole heart for the rest of his life, and he declares his love and devotion to her. If she is convinced he truly loves her and is devoted to caring for her, she responds and submits through respect, trust, and feeling secure. This is an emotional response.

Through the years of marriage the cycle should tighten as the man continually demonstrates his love for her. She deepens her respect, trust, and sense of security and well-being. It should only get better.

Next week: Thoughts of love and sex in the marriage relationship. Warning, this one will be for mature audiences only, so be advised.

Safe and secure

Before I move on to Paul’s command for husbands to love their wives, I still need to address one more responsibility we have to help our wives submit. Remember that submission happens when a woman voluntarily places herself under the authority of her husband, usually because she has seen something in him that is respectworthy. This is not something we demand, it is something we earn from fulfilling patriarchal responsibilities.

Part and parcel with trust is the sense of security. When a woman submits to the marriage (sexual) relationship she makes herself vulnerable because she is the one who will bear children. She needs to feel secure in the marriage, she needs to know that the man is covenantally committed to her and will fulfill his patriarchal role.

It is often opined that women really want financial security, but this is not necessarily the case. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, in their work For Men Only, discovered that women need five things to feel secure. Here is a brief list and description:

She needs to feel you are close. Money in the bank is no match for the feeling that her man loves her and is intimate with her. She must feel that you love her from the little things you do for her. This does not mean sexual intimacy, it means friendship.

She must see you making time together a priority. When you are not working, she wants to see that you value spending time with her and the kids. If you head off to the lake or the golf course at every opportunity you miss it here.

She must see you demonstrate your commitment. This is why patriarchy is so important, and living out the covenant promise we have made.

She must see you active in parenting and the life of the home. She actually wants you to fulfill a patriarchal role, of ruling with direction and vision. She wants you to be involved with the children, and let her talk through situations she is facing. She also wants to feel you appreciate what she does.

She must see you make the effort to provide. Regardless of whether your wife works outside the home, biblically it is the husband’s responsibility to provide. Period. She will feel secure if she sees you working hard at it. Wealth is not the issue, it is the commitment and living up to responsibility. She is willing to endure great hardship, and help stretch every penney if she sees you working hard at it.

When a woman feels secure she can easily submit. You don’t have to tell her to do it. So you see, for a woman to submit as Paul said we men have a lot of work to do. It is the patriarchal way.

Now, next week we begin exploring how a husband loves his wife.

Woman, submit!

We continue frank conversation on the love-respect circle between man and woman, and hopefully gain wisdom on how to deepen the marital bond and enhance our patriarchal role. The love-respect circle is mentioned at least three times in the New Testament; twice by Paul (Eph. 5:22-33; Col 3:18, 19) and once by Peter (1 Pe. 3:1-7). Once Paul uses it as a metaphor for how Christ relates to the church. All three tell wives to submit, husbands to love.

I’m going to write about the first element, “wives submit,” because it is mentioned first. Much has been made over this phrase. Overbearing, domineering men love it. Feminists and liberals hate it. All misunderstand and misapply it.

To submit (‘υποτασσω, hupotasso) means to place yourself under, and suggests to me a voluntary response to conditions that warrant submission. Understanding how a woman loves and responds to a man helps us understand how she will willingly and happily place herself under the authority of her husband. The conditions must be right for this to be lived out in a healthy and fulfilling way. I have discovered that at least three elements must be in place for this to work right. Today I speak of the first, respect.

A woman must be able to respect the man to whom she will submit. She must see him as one who has noble values which she admires, and one who will defend those values against all challenges. She must see that he is constant in character and convictions, and that he is kind to women and children. She will naturally honor a man who has these qualities.

Often a woman “falls in love” with a man who has a noble vision beyond himself, who has a sense of destiny and purpose, and a plan to get there. His vision and aspirations capture her attention, touch something deep within her, and cause her to want to join in his cause and stand by his side. She finds herself wanting to be his help-meet, to help him accomplish those grand dreams. With a great sense of admiration she will willingly submit to helping a man like that.

The corollary to this is that men need to be loved this way. They experience love through the respect they receive. They want to be respected by other men, and they want to be respected by their wives. Men who do not feel respected by their wives do not feel loved.

Men need to separate themselves from the smothering, doting, protecting “love” a mother wants to give her child. This kind of love expressed is emasculating, dibilitating. Wives who try to treat their husbands this way do not love them because they do not respect them. Remember that a necessary component of masculinity is the healthy separation from father and mother so that a man can join himself to his wife (Gen. 2:24).

The respect factor will not work if we are simply demanding that our women submit. This works when we have done our part, when we have shown ourselves respectworthy. A young man, with his eye on a pretty girl he wants to court, needs to know what kinds of things will attract her attention and give her cause to respect. After he wins the girl he needs to live out respectworthy behaviors, manners, and dreams.

If she is turned on to a steady, who is faithful in going to work and bringing home a payday, then respectworthy is a good work ethic and Christian values. If she is impressed by a valiant man seeking to conquer the world and solve its problems, the man will live a life of vision, destiny, and purpose beyond punching the clock every day. If a man punches her buttons simply by living his life with integrity she will readily submit.

Men, we do not have the right to demand, “Woman, submit!” at any time. We have good reason to look for it when we have done things to earn her respect.

My next entry in a day or two deals with another element of submission, trust.

Patriarch as king

I am sure you have heard the old saying, “A man is king of his castle.” While the phrase is no longer appreciated in all circles it does, when understood correctly, describe the function of patriarch as king. According to Phrases.org the old adage dates to 17th century English common law, which held that a man had the right to protect his home and enjoy it as his refuge. It pointed to his right and duty to protect home and family from intruders, and to guide its affairs.

This is precisely the biblical concept of king as we apply it to patriarchal anointing. Men were set apart as king to govern the affairs of the kingdom under God. Throughout the Hebrew Scriptures kings are referred to as “shepherds,” and charged with the responsibility of leading and protecting the sheep.

It is clear that God intended Israelite kings to serve as first among equals. In Deuteronomy chapter 17 God gave Moses clear instructions for establishing kings. They were to be chosen from among the people, not a foreigner. They were not to focus on accumulating wealth or women. Most importantly, they were to borrow a copy of the law from the priests and make their own copy to have with them at all times. Hand-copying their own book meant they would be forced to go through the Torah word-for-word and therefore know its contents. Having it at their side would make it convenient for reference when needed.

Hebrew kings were to be different, set apart, from other kings. They were to rule with God’s vision in mind. In Hebrew thought rule means giving guidance and direction. Kings were also intended to provide protection from intrusion by raising, training, and leading armies. They were to defer personal benefit and enjoyment in order to serve God and people in their charge.

Applying those principles to modern patriarchy describes what I see a husband and father needs to do to be a man.

First among equals. A man is not greater than his wife in God’s sight. The Bible is clear, in the kingdom there is no longer male or female (Gal. 3:28). A man does not take a built-in slave when he takes a wife.  They should be like-minded, and headed in the same direction. Like the king in Hebrew thought, the man leads and governs from a biblical point of view. He is set apart for that with the masculine qualities God gave him and burned into his being. His wife joins him and goes with him, at his side, not ten steps behind.

Know and apply the Scriptures. As Israel’s kings were to copy and own their own Torah scroll so they would know them, men need to know the Scriptures and learn how to apply them. Men, we must be leaders at this. We cannot give appropriate spiritual guidance to our homes if we do not know the Scriptures.

Government. This refers to guidance and direction. The rule of kings was intended to guide the nation to where God wanted it to go, as the rudder of a ship governs its direction and course in the water. As husbands and fathers, we need to be in touch with the Father to govern our ship in the direction God would have it to go.

Protection. The English common law precept of a man and his castle comes from the Scriptural idea that men protect their people and property against intruders. Kings provided a means of defense for their people, including walled fortresses (castles) for protection. We need to build walls of protection for our families. This includes the obvious protection from physical harm. But it also means protection from the intrusion of culture into our homes through television, ipods, internet, and the influence of friends. We need to set boundaries that protect our wives and children. Ezk. 20:33 says, “I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one.”

Provision. It goes without saying that men are responsible for providing the physical needs of their families. Our culture wants to spread the responsibility to our wives so that we can have a materialistic standard of living. It may be nice to have two incomes and money to make payments on fancy cars, boats, large houses, and “man toys,” but let me emphatically state it is not biblical. God will look to men to be providers of material needs, and we will be held accountable. Much of what we deem “needs” in our materialistic culture actually indulge the lust of the eyes.

Patriarch as king of the home does not mean tyrant. It does not allow us to demand, “Woman, submit!” and trample over our wives and children. It is a servanthood where authority is recognized because of a role and earned because we humbly defer our own interests and desires to respond to duty and responsibility.

Jesus put it this way. He told the disciples if they wanted to be great in God’s kingdom they must first be servant of all. A good description of patriarch as king.

Hope against hope

Webster defined hope as “a desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable.” He also spoke of a “belief . . . grounded on substantial evidence.” When we speak of “hope against hope” we express hope even when the situation looks hopeless.

When Jesus came the Hebrew people were hoping against hope. They were about to lose hope. Many of them had given up hope for the promised Messiah. The official religious institution in Jerusalem seemed empty and self-perpetuating. It offered little hope for hurting people. Meanwhile the brutal Roman regime became more brutal and oppressive. Expectations for a better day, and the reasonable assurance that it was possible, waned.

Yet at the time Jesus began his ministry there was renewed hope. Old prophecies from Daniel calculated the days to the time of the coming of Messiah, and those days were just about fulfilled. John, the obscure prophet in the wilderness, arose to call people to repentance and to baptize them into a new order, a new kingdom of the Messiah, soon to come. Many flocked to hear him in the desolate places of the wilderness, many entered the waters of baptism, and sought to enter the kingdom. They renewed hope, saw the possibility of a new day into which they would live. Baptism became the portal of hope, the entry to a new kingdom and a new life.

Folks still remembered and recited promises of hope from the psalms and the prophets. The Lectionary texts we use today are a few of the many Scriptures that gave hope and promise to languishing people. For example, men who went to synagogue every morning for prayer heard and recited excerpts from Psalm 146, one of the “hallal” psalms. God is worthy of praise because we can trust him to help us in time of need. He is the creator of heaven and earth and sea, and all and all that is in them. He opens blind eyes, straightened bowed backs, executes justice for the oppressed, and gives food to the hungry. He gives freedom to prisoners, watches over strangers, and relieves the fatherless and the widows. He loves and execute justice. Against the brutality of everyday life under the Romans, there was hope.

Prophets like Isaiah were evoked to give hope. “Say to those who are fearful-hearted, ‘Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come like a vengeance, with the recompense of God; he will come and save you.’” Isaiah promised a future where blind eyes would be opened, stopped-up ears would hear, and lame legs would run and jump. Dry desert ground would turn to fresh water springs. Despite the severity of everyday life under the Romans, there was hope.

So when Jesus began his ministry Scriptures like these flooded the minds of people about to lose hope. They gathered around him just to see it come to pass. Word spread so quickly even foreigners flocked to him to see if it were true. Once Jesus went to the region of Tyre and Sidon hoping to get a few days’ rest. No such luck. A Syro-Phoenician woman, descendant of Israel’s enemies of the past, sought out Jesus to rid her daughter of demonic torment. He ignored her, and then insulted her, but he could not get rid of her. “Even disgusting dogs get leftovers tossed out by wasteful children!” Fair enough, Jesus said, and he sent the woman home with the hope of finding her daughter delivered and whole. She was not disappointed.

Since his vacation was busted Jesus went home where crowds thronged him again. Some people brought a man deaf and mute, with the hope that Jesus would touch and heal him. After all, the prophets and the psalms tell of a day when blind eyes will be opened and deaf ears will be unstopped. Jesus took the man aside, put fingers in his ears, and looked up to heaven. With a sigh he said, “Be opened.” He was.

Everyone was amazed, but Jesus told them to no avail to keep it to themselves. They couldn’t help it. They were filled with so much hope. They just had to tell. Jesus gave them glimpses of the future reality with healings here and there, but in reality it was hope deferred to a later time, when the resurrection would complete the work Jesus began at the cross to make all things new.

This should resonate with us men. As I mentioned in a previous journal entry we are creatures of hope that is constantly deferred. But we cannot afford to lose hope. Like those of Jesus’ time who entered the kingdom through baptism, we also enter a new realm of hope through baptism. We live as though it were here, even though it is not altogether here. We still have oppression and injustice in the world, but we also have the guiding example of Jesus and the grace of the Holy Spirit to continually give us glimpses of our eternal future, glimpses of hope.

How do we live into that hope in the present time? The Lectionary this week points us to James, and to practical advice for living in impartiality and justice. Respect and treat people the same way regardless of social, political, or financial position. Live by the ”royal law“ and love your neighbor as yourself (Lev. 19:18). Don’t just give warm wishes, but kind and practical gestures that actually meet needs, and give glimpses of hope for a better day to come. James pointedly reminds us that “faith without works is dead,” and lets us know our hopes for eternal life after the resurrection are futile unless we are doing something to bring it to pass in some practical and tangible way now. Faithful kingdom building now brings the eternal kingdom even closer. And it fuels hope for the weary, so they have strength to look up and see that their redemption draws nigh.

Men, hope against hope. Even when it looks hopeless and you feel nothing will ever get better and the Lord will never return to begin the eternal kingdom, contine to hold out hope. Pray the psalms of hope. Declare the prophets of hope. Rehearse the victories of hope in Jesus’ ministry. Live in ever-present hope with impartial love and relevant justice.

Patriarch as priest

We protestants have a hard time with the concept of priest. We think of a man in a black shirt with a white collar, and we might say, maybe with a tinge of pride, something about the priesthood of all believers.

That does not do away with the biblical concept of priesthood and its application to our lives. Jesus remains the “Apostle and High Priest of our confession” (Heb. 3:1). God did not do away do away with the role and responsibility of priesthood in our lives. The function is still there and necessary.

In Hebrew thought a priest is a mediator between God and people. Someone who represents God to the people through word and sacrament, and who represents the people to God through prayer and sacrifice. The concept was described by Jethro for Moses: “Stand before God for the people, so that you may bring the difficulties to God. And you shall teach them the statutes and the laws, and show them the way in which they must walk and the work they must do” (Ex. 18:19, 20).

For example in applying the concept of patriarchy we look to Job, the righteous man of the east who feared God and eschewed evil. He had grown sons and daughters who enjoyed each other’s company (fancy that among siblings!) and met at each other’s house regularly for a barbecue. Job regularly interceded for them and offered sacrifice for them, because, he said, “It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts” (Job 1:5). Job assumed patriarchal responsibility for things that might have occured in his household, among his children, even without his personal knowledge or involvement.

Let’s see how patriarchal priesthood might look for us:

Prayer. Based on Job’s example, we husbands and fathers are responsible before God for praying for our families. This is difficult because many men do not feel they pray well. The example they have had is women praying long, wordy prayers, and most men aren’t wordy. For the prayerophobes among us let me assure you, on the word of Jesus, that prayer need not be wordy, lengthy, or flowery. It can be brief and to the point. Also, it can be written and recited from memory. Jesus gave the Lord’s Prayer to the disciples for that purpose. We can use a prayer book, and we can write our own prayers to use every day. God is interested in the heart and obedience, not huge prayer vocabulary. Simple. To-the-point. Heartfelt. Intercessory.

Here is a wonderful prayer, straight from the Book of Common Prayer, that I use with the family every day. It is brief, to the point, and says it all:

Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought us in safety to this new day: Preserve us with your mighty power, that we may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all we do, direct us to the fulfilling of your purpose; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

What if you were to substitute the word us with the name of your respective family members? Powerful, effective, simple. Most of all, obedient and priestly.

Word.  This may overlap with the prophetic role, but refers to reading and explaining the Scriptures. Sometimes men don’t read the Bible because they aren’t good readers. They may not have been taught much about the Bible themselves. Or they might not know what to read in the Bible.

These need not be problems. If reading ability is an issue ask your wife or older children to read. Use Bible on CDs to listen to selected passages, or maybe some of the dramatized Scriptures on DVD. You don’t actually have to do it as much as you need to be sure it is done. There are several reading plans out there. Find one that works for you. I use the Lectionary for preaching at church, and the daily lectionary that goes with it to keep all the themes consistent.

Sacrament. This usually refers to administering God’s grace. In Hebrew practice fathers always presided over the weekly sabbath celebrations and the annual Passover celebrations. They taught their children spiritual principles and how to apply them to life.

In Protestant Christianity sacrament usually means Holy Communion and baptism. I regularly recruit people from the congregation to help me serve communion, and I get fathers to help me baptize their children. These are wonderful ways fathers can be involved sacramentally with their families.

Sacrifice. Priests offer sacrifice, and so do we. Jesus became sacrifice, and so must we. Patriarchal responsibility often means we set aside our plans, agendas, and dreams to ensure that wife is loved and children are nurtured in the admonition of the Lord. As I mentioned in another journal entry, the hope deferred experienced by men applies here.

But the obvious applies, too. We need to be sacrificial in giving to the church, and teaching our children the importance of giving to God’s kingdom through the church.

The priestly function of fathers cannot be overstated. The book of Acts records the powerful influence two pagan fathers had on their families when they became believers. Luke describes the Roman centurian Cornelius as “a devout man and one who feared God with all his household, who gave alms generously to the people, and prayed to God always” (Acts 10:2). He notes that when Peter arrived he gathered his family to hear the good news.

Luke also tells us about the Philippian jailer, on duty during the night guarding Paul and Silas, who were loudly praying and singing hymns from within the prison. Suddenly an earthquake occured and the jailer thought prisoners were escaping. When Paul assured him otherwise, the jailer rushed to them to ask how he might be saved. Paul promised the jailer, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Luke is careful to tell us, “when [the jailer] had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household” (see Acts 16:25-34).

There is something powerful about a committed patriarchal father with firm faith that encourages his household. That is why we must be priests of our homes in the true patriarchal sense.

Patriarch as prophet

Webster defined a prophet as “an interpreter; one that explains or communicates sentiments.” He also described a prophet as “a person illuminated, inspired, or instructed by God to announce future events.”

In the Hebrew Scriptures we can observe that prophets were people God chose to carry his message, and thus were endowed by the Holy Spirit, that is, God moving on the face of the earth, to carry out God’s special purpose. Prophetic utterance and the presence of the Holy Spirit were always somehow connected.

So what does this have to do with patriarchy? In my last journal entry I noted that patriarchs are anointed and appointed to serve in the pattern of prophet, priest, and king in their respective homes. That is how dominion is properly exercised and our masculine energies are properly focused. In terms of prophecy we understand that God expects us to teach his law to our children. In fact, in the Hebrew language the words law and parent are related. Law was to be transmitted from one generation to the next by parents.

Genesis chapter 18 gives us an interesting parallel. Three visitors come to Abraham to announce that his elderly wife Sarah will give birth in old age. They then look off in the distance to Sodom and the Lord asks if he should not tell Abraham what he is about to do, since he is becoming the father of a great nation. He justifies letting Abraham in on his plans by reasoning, “For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him” (Gen. 18:19). Patriarchy, prophecy, and law all come together.

The fundamental basis for patriarch as prophet is in Deuteronomy chapter 6. God commands the Israelites to remember and keep his law when they pass into the promised land. “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength” (Deut.6:4, 5). This “statement of faith” (called the schema) is recited by every observant Hebrew man every day. Then God ties it into patriarchal responsibility:

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates (Deut. 6:6-9).

These words were given as Moses called an assembly of men, fathers, patriarchs, to receive the instruction of the Lord for a future in a promised land. They were to love God with all they had, and do their best to teach their children to do the same.

Teach them diligently is an interesting word thought in Hebrew. It means to sharpen, or impress deeply. Men were to deeply impress God’s commands into the hearts of their children.

The same word used to describe the process of sharpening arrows, and the parallel to Psalm 127:3-5 is unmistakable:

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

By our prophetic input our children are sharpened and readied to be sent off into a future for which they are prepared because of our faithfulness.

Notice the instruction is done by fathers when you sit in your house. In Jewish thought the home is the sanctuary of the Lord, and the kitchen table is its altar. It was given, understood, and expected, that this kind of instruction would be done at home, and while the family goes about its business. There is no other way to explain this, and we have no excuse for explaining it away or excusing ourselves from its obvious application.

Look at these other Scriptures tying fatherhood to biblical instruction: Ex. 12:26, 27; Ex. 13:8; Ps. 34:11; 1 Thess. 2:11; and Eph. 6:4. The Proverbs are full of instructions from father to son, and as a representative sample see Proverbs chapter 4.

The biblical testimony is strong. We have no excuse for not training our children, for not being the prophet of our home.

OK, so how do we go about it? Here are some suggestions:

Discipleship. This is the time honored way established by Scripture. Children learn by watching, doing, working closely with Dad. Jesus used the method with his disciples, but it was not new to him.

Direct influence. We can use our place as father and the credibility we gain from our own personal righteousness to deeply influence our children.

Exhortation. Reading and teaching from the Scriptures. Keeps us up-to-date and on our toes if we have the responsibility of teaching our children.

Prophet of the home, this is not the Sunday school teacher’s job. It is your job, and you will stand before God and account for how you filled the role of prophet in your home.

Prophet, priest, and king

We have noted before that patriarch means “rule of the father,” and that ruling in biblical thought actually means guidance by teaching, praying, and leading. We discipline and direct our masculine strength into these areas on behalf of our families. It is a sacred trust, not to be abused, overlooked, or abandoned. There can be no such thing as a lazy, passive, or disobedient patriarch. We live into the role of patriarch by intentional diligence, initiative, and obedience.

Let me observe that if we have the responsibility to do these things then we have an anointing to do these things. That is, we are set apart (separated in the masculine sense), sanctified, directed, and empowered into these functions. Could it be that the much-needed separation from family of origin (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5; Mk. 10:7, 8; Eph. 5:31), and spending time apart from them to discover our identity and direction for life, somehow is the place where God imparts this anointing on us before we are joined to a wife? Could it be that we need to have these roles and boundaries clearly defined before we are married? Could it be that separation and solitude are necessary to eliminate the distraction and confusion of unbroken ties (i.e., “apron strings”) when new vision is being set?

I know that Jesus received his anointing at his baptism and immediately went to the wilderness, alone, for 40 days and nights, “to be tempted by the devil.” From there he returned to Galilee in the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus then functioned in three roles: prophet, priest, and king. First he was the prophet to Galilee, sent to the “lost sheep of the house of Israel.” Then he was priest, going to Jerusalem to become the “lamb slain from the foundation of the world,” and the once-for-all sacrifice for the sins of humanity. He continues to be our priest, sitting at God’s right hand, interceding for us. At his resurrection and ascension he became the king of all, and now expands the kingdom of God through the agency of the Church.

Of course the precedent for the anointing for the roles of prophet, priest, and king comes from the Hebrew Scriptures. When a man entered any of these offices a public pronouncement was made. A man in recognized authority poured consecrated oil over head of the man being set apart, and he was said to be “anointed.” Many times these men spent time in solitude, in the wilderness, alone, to hear from God and discover identity, vision, and direction for his role.

I am convinced that the patriarch is a man who is truly set apart and anointed by God for the task of patriarchy. We have the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives to give us grace to carry out this calling and responsibility. Grace is the supernatural strength of God which rests in and upon us to amplify our own strength to accomplish his purposes. Because of God’s grace we can say with Paul, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9, 10). That is what salvation truly is, not “going to heaven when I die.”

And that grace is given to us to enable us to be like Christ, to sacrificially live and give as prophet, priest, and king of our homes. That is, we are given responsibility and grace to teach our families by precept and example. We cannot pawn that off on the Sunday school teacher or youth group leader. We have a duty to function as priest, to intercede on behalf of our families, and to take personal responsibility before God for their failures. We are expected to lead our families with vision, direction, and setting boundaries; to protect them from harm; and to provide for them.

These are non-optional for the patriarch. If we do not actively, intentionally, and aggressively do these things we are not patriarchal, we are merely taking advantage of our women and irresponsibly siring children to be sent aimlessly into a dangerous world to find their own way. This is reprehensible in the sight of God.

My next few posts will explore the roles of prophet, priest, and king respectively, and hopefully help us discover guidance for living into them as patriarchs.

The roles of prophet, priest, and king are depicted in this stained-glass window in the chapel of Wadham College (Oxford, England). The prophet is depicted by Moses (center), the priest is illustrated by Aaron (right), and the king is portrayed on the left. Click on the image for a closer look.

Treat her with honor

Someone asked me a few weeks ago how to balance a man’s headship as husband “while giving consideration to his wife” with regard to 1 Peter 3:7:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

This passage arises from a cultural climate that considered women intellectually inferior to men. Anything women had to say could and should be disregarded. They had no legal standing because they were deemed unable to make sound decisions on their own.

We must realize that there are cultural situations behind all the verses in the New Testament dealing with the relationships between and function of men and women. This is especially true of the writings of Paul and Peter to former pagans who had found Christianity and who were making clumsy efforts to live it out still laden with elements of their pagan past and culture. Our task is to discover those cultural situations and determine what principle the apostles were getting across within the respective context, so that we can apply the principle of Scripture to our context, now 20 centuries removed from the original. The problem is that the cultural elements are taken for granted in the text and therefore not explained.

As for the first century, Peter’s admonition turns the cultural norm on its head. The woman you marry is to be treated as an equal. She does have legitimate thoughts and she does have something valid to say. She is a person of worth and value, not just a slave who bears our children. She has the capacity to make a valuable contribution to the mission of the household. She is worthy of your honor. This was radical and unheard of in the pagan world of Peter’s day.

As for the “weaker vessel” business, did you notice the word as? It is used for comparison. Peter tells us husbands we had better treat our wives with honor as if she were a fragile, valuable, and cherished piece of pottery that deserves special treatment. She is not to be treated like the cattle, in other words.

What does that mean to us? For one thing, it means we are in a state of romance and courtship with her, continually wooing the affections of her heart. Surprise her with gifts and get-aways. Open the car door for her. Talk to her. Help her around the house. Then there is the matter of honor. It means respect, value, regard as something special and priceless. The priceless “weaker vessel” we just read about.

When family decisions need to be made, listen to what she has to say, and carefully regard her opinion. Discover why she thinks the way she does -- she probably has considered an emotional or practical element that you left out. Men, she is not stupid!

Peter mentioned living with her with knowledge, which suggests we need to study her and know her (not an easy thing to do).

Our problem in the husband-wife relationship in our culture is that we have lost the meaning of headship. Notice that Peter says that with our wives we are “heirs together of the grace of life.” They walk by our side, not ten steps behind. We no longer see headship in terms of covenantal commitment, and instead we default to a chain-of-command. Some of us demand complete submission from our wives (which usually means waiting on us hand and foot) but we do not love them sacrificially. We are making our wives slaves as the first century Roman pagans did.

Personal example: As my help-meet, my wife willingly and joyfully lives into my call and mission to pastor my churches. She helps me in every way to accomplish that. She has given me nine children and has managed their home schooling for over 20 years. But she is not my slave. I do not come home, plop into my easy chair with TV remote, and begin demanding that she bring me a glass of iced tea. I do not have the authority to make demands of her in that way. I do not have the right to treat her that way. I can ask her to help me in certain ways in my ministry, and she does. Also, I ask her opinion of things I am doing and decisions I am having to make, and I listen to her counsel. Many times I hear God speaking through her. But I do not order her around.

Biblical headship means that someone in covenantal authority assumes responsibility before God to be prophet and priest on behalf of others. If I am head of my house, that means I represent my family before God and I represent God to my family by setting example and teaching. I am responsible for providing, and I don’t make my wife go to work so I can make payments on a bass boat. It means when the hard things need to be done, I do them. It means when my family is in danger of harm I do what it takes to protect them. When anything goes wrong, I am responsible. Biblical headship means living as a first among equals, bearing responsibility for the whole. Authority is deserved only when responsibility is met.

The last phrase gets my attention. Do these things that your prayers may not be hindered. What I think I am seeing there is that we might as well not try to function as priest toward God on behalf of the family if we are not actually being priest to the family. To do one without the other is inconsistent and hypocritical. Don’t treat your wife like dirt and expect God to listen to you.

I am preparing a series of posts on the love-respect relationship between husband and wife. Let me summarize here by observing that the submission part we so often demand from our wives will come easily, naturally, and appropriately if we husbands simply will love our wives with covenantal, sacrificial love. Paul described it in terms of how Christ loved the church. Peter describes it as treating your wife as if she is a prized possession, valuable and protected.

How do you balance headship with giving consideration to your wife? Easy. Love her. Treat her with honor.

We make the covenantal promise to love and honor our wives at our wedding. To become demanding and abusive to our wives is to violate that covenant promise, and therefore to disqualify us from priestly privilege and hinder our prayers.

Men of sorrows, acquainted with grief

Men are creatures of hope. We live our lives in hopes of a better tomorrow, of a destiny fulfilled. We are always looking for that next chance, that stroke of luck or fortune, that one little thing that makes a difference. But we never quite get there, and we somehow feel that something is missing. Things never quite work out as we planned. We are men of sorrows, acquainted with grief.

The predicament is well documented. John Eldredge speaks of the wound men carry, torn when we have to separate from home and mother, and perpetuated when we never hear from father that we have what it takes to be a man. Keith Drury tells us we inherit a collective grief from all the blood we have collectively shed as warrior and defender. James Dittes writes of hope deferred and the sacrifices we make to defer our own lives for duty and honor.

As I ponder the matter I think there is a lot of truth to it. The choice to redirect our wild energies to patriarchal responsibility causes us to live disconnected in some way from the dreams of our childhood, when we thought about what we would do when we were all grown up. We focus our energies on wife and family, as we should, and gain a measure of satisfaction from that. “Midlife crisis” reminds us we haven’t quite made it and we probably won’t. In a sense we are men of sorrows. We are acquainted with grief.

God’s men live in a state of hope deferred. Abraham left his father’s house and all he had to follow a God who never let him arrive at his destination. The writer of Hebrews tells us he lived in the land of promise as a foreigner, always looking for the city whose builder and maker was God. He never found it. He was promised a multitude of descendants and went for many years with no fulfillment of the promise. Taking matters into his own hands only intensified the frustration before God gave him one promised heir, through whom his multitudinous offspring would come. He never got to see them.

Moses also lived in anticipation unfulfilled. He led the Israelites from Egyptian bondage to the borders of the promised land, in the process turning a large extended family into a nation. He oversaw the implementation of a system of law and religion on the go. Moses performed the single greatest management task of all time. It is still unmatched. Yet God did not allow him to cross into in the land of promise. He died on a mountain with the objective of his 40-year dream in sight but out of reach.

God called Isaiah to a mission he would never accomplish. He told him to go preach repentance until everyone was carried away captive and the land was laid waste. Same for Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. He prophesied doom and when it came he spoke of God’s peaceful thoughts for a generation yet to come.

Likewise I believe Paul always held out hope that his brethren the Jews would come to Christ. The book of Acts ends on a sad note when Paul had one last audience with the Jewish elders in Rome. They remained unconvinced despite his best efforts. He finally realized that it wouldn’t happen, and gave up hope. Not long after that he was executed.

Jesus is the ultimate man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He came forth boldly proclaiming the advent of a new kingdom that would change the world. His excited disciples could not wait to go to Jerusalem to throw out the Romans. Jesus rode in like a triumphant king amid the praises of the people, and then provoked the religious leaders to have him put him to death. The kingdom did not come in the way everyone thought it would.

Despite our disappointment from hope deferred, we maintain anticipation of ultimate fulfillment. Jesus’ death was not in vain, because his resurrection promises an eternal future of satisfaction. Isaiah chapter 65 speaks of a time when we’ll live to accomplish our dreams. A time when God’s justice will reign and peace and contentment will be the order of the day.

In the meantime our calling to be faithful patriarchs is a constant encouragement for hope. Living into our responsibility and purpose, leading our families in God’s work of redemption and restoration, gives us continual glimpses of the kingdom that is both here now and yet unrealized until eternity descends on us in the resurrection as Isaiah describes so vividly. When we let grace and peace abide in our homes we give others glimpses into what that day will be like.

Men of sorrows, be of good cheer. Jesus has overcome the world, makes all things new, and sets us on the path to fulfillment in him. Live into his grace. Live in anticipation. Build the kingdom, beginning in your own domain.

The Titus 2 man

There is much written and taught about the Titus 2 woman, admonished to love their husbands and children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home. But not much is said about the Titus 2 man. That is interesting since Paul devotes more space to advising Titus how to teach men.

Paul’s short letter to Titus appoints him to set order to the churches in Crete, the barbaric island of the Mediterranean Sea, and to bring Christian civility to the men and women attending those churches.

Speak sound doctrine, Paul writes, so that older men are “sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience” (2:2). These refer to self control which leads to stability and maturity. Necessary for living a godly example before others.

Encourage younger men, Paul instructs, to be serious about life. To be self-disciplined and prudent in all their activities. To be discreet and use sound judgement and moderation.

How is Titus to lead? By example. By allowing his manner of life to be pattern and model for others for good deeds and high regard for truth, purity of motive, dignity, and seriousness. These are qualities of godliness and maturity that help us follow Jesus faithfully.

I am convinced that men today are confused about spirituality because the church is too academic. For every need we organize a class and beg people to attend. We lecture, we have wordy discussions, and we “ share.” We want to do everything like a school, or an efficient assembly line. That’s not how Jesus did it.

Jesus called together twelve men, and let them follow him around as he did amazing things that touched lives. Sure, he taught them lessons, but the lessons always went with the things he was doing. They were transformed in character simply by following around the most amazing and godly man they had ever met. It works the same way now. It is messy, it is unpredictable, it is time consuming. But it works.

Titus went into Crete to impact the men there by living godliness before them, a testimony that would be beyond reproach. The Titus 2 man is a man who disciplines his masculine strength away from self-indulgence to a life of Christ-like maturity.

Journal flashback: thoughts when Abby was born

This weekend we celebrate my youngest daughter’s birthday. It is hard to believe Abby is seven years old. When she was born I was writing for the Northport Gazette, a weekly newspaper. They asked me to write my reflections for a feature, which was published Aug. 22, 2002. I dug out the old papers and found the article to read to Abby and the rest of the family yesterday. I thought I would pass it along to you.

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Baby Abigail Makes Nine for the Allisons

My family is this week celebrating the birth of our newest child, Abigail Faith. We call her Abby. She was born Wednesday, Aug. 14, and joins eight brothers and sisters in our household. Both Abby and her mama, Ms. Joy, are doing great.

Abby is good at perfect timing. I had been working all day Wednesday in Birmingham and wondering if I would make it back in time if I got “the call.” I went directly to our church from work because I was scheduled to preach in the midweek service. I got there about 6:30. As I was getting out of the car my oldest son, Joshua, came barreling up to the church in his truck to tell me that Mama needed me at home right then. I told him to go in and tell our pastor, Charles Herron, that something had come up and I would not be preaching that night.

Ms. Joy had gotten the children ready for church and they were climbing into the van to head that way when her water broke. She said she heard a pop and felt a strange sensation that led her to believe the time was at hand. She raced out the door and yelled -- to the kids in the van and to the rest of the neighborhood --“Stop! My water broke!” She then told Joshua to go find me at church. I had my cell phone, but she didn’t think to call me on it. All she could think to do was to tell Joshua to find me. I guess she had something else on her mind.

When I got home I found Ms. Joy fixing her hair. Eight times before she had given birth with her hair combed just right and she wasn’t about to change that with Number Nine. We’ve always gotten a chuckle out of Ms. Joy’s need to make sure her hair is just right before having a baby. She asked me to call the doctor and tell them we were coming while she finished styling. It was a little disconcerting to have an answering machine answer the phone, tell me the office was closed, and put me on hold to listen to “soothing” music while an operator would come to the phone at any moment to take my important phone call. After five minutes I was still listening to Muzak’s greatest hits. Ms. Joy tried after she got her hair done, and after a little more music she finally got through.

Then it was off to the races. Or I should say, the hospital. The contractions began in the car as I finessed my way through red traffic lights. I discovered that with a little practice, I, too, could become a fire truck or ambulance driver. Luckily there was no policeman in sight. I’m sure I would have been able to talk my way out of a ticket, seeing that my wife was in labor, but I’m glad I didn’t have to.

When we got to the hospital at just after 7:00 the labor was beginning in earnest. We had to convince the nurse that labor was in fact in process and that we needed a room right way. The nurse wanted us to go into a room they call triage at first, so they could check things out. But when we explained that this was Number Nine and there may not be time for that she got with the program and fixed us up right away.

The next 30 minutes was a flurry of activity as nurses and attendants came out of the woodwork to set up equipment and get things ready. As is her labor custom Ms. Joy paced the floor and groaned when contractions came. All the while she was cool and collected, and carried on casual friendly conversation with the nurses, who had not really gotten over the fact that this was Number Nine.

Another pleasant hour passed. The lady doctor came in and introduced herself, and told me she would allow me to catch the baby as it came. I had caught the previous three in home births and had made a deal with the doctors to let me catch this time if we would use their hospital. The bribe worked, the primary doctor had written it in the file. I was set to deliver, standing next to the doctor.

Little Abby came at 8:34. I was there, decked out in hospital gown and rubber gloves, to receive her with open arms. There can be no greater thrill for a father than to take such an active part in the birth of his child, to receive her into the world, and be the first one to hold and hug her.

The doctor more than once said what a good job I had done, catching that baby. It was as if she was amazed. I guess she didn’t realize I had done it a few times before. I guess also, that it didn’t occur to her at that moment that it doesn’t take a medical degree to love the children God gives you and welcome them home.

Abigail Faith could have rushed things up, insisted on coming earlier in the day. If she had I would have missed the whole thing, because there would not have been time to get home. But she was patient, and came only when Daddy could be there. And Daddy was there, waiting with open arms.

I am so glad Abby has a good sense of timing.

Journal notes: militant membership vows

Look at these membership vows, taken by persons who join churches of my denomination. Sounds pretty military to me.

We covenant together with God and members of this church to keep the vows which are a part of our confirmation and reception into the church:

We renounce spiritual forces of wickedness, reject evil powers of the world, and repent of our sin;

We accept the freedom and power God gives to resist evil, injustice, and oppression;

We confess Jesus Christ as Savior, and put our whole trust in his grace, and promise to serve him as our Lord;

We will remain faithful members of Christ’s holy church, and serve as Christ’s representatives in the world;

We will be loyal to Christ through the church,and do all in our power to strengthen its ministries;

We will faithfully participate in its ministries by our prayers, our presence, our gifts, our service, and our witness;

We will receive and profess the Christian faith as contained in the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments.