As I continue the series on they way of a man with a maid, recall that to this point I have written of what a godly man does to help his wife submit to him. Remember that when everything is working right, the man initiates and the woman follows. Man was created first, then the woman. Man was given mission and moral compass, and woman was created from his side to live by his side in pursuit of mission and moral. I believe the degree of submission a woman is able to freely attain is directly related to the effort a man puts into gaining her respect, earning her trust, and ensuring her security.
I’m wondering if all the effort I put into earning my wife’s submission is part of the command for me to love my wife. Paul admonished Ephesian husbands to love their wives “as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her” (Eph. 5:25).
Love is universally misunderstood. Despite what our culture tells you, love has little to do with warm fuzzies and sentimental notions brought on by a rush of hormones. Although feelings are great, genuine love remains long after the euphoria of romance fades. To love is to remain unconditionally committed to someone. It is a covenantal relationship. In marriage it is a patriarchal relationship. It is a relationship in which a man is heavily invested in the care and protection of his wife and all who are under his authority.
Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Jesus invested his earthly ministry in a few men and gave them authority and power to continue the work. Then he went to the cross to complete the sacrificial system, pay the sin debt of humanity, and then pave the way for the beginning of the church. This suggests that a husband’s love is sacrificial in that he puts aside his own interests to tend the greater needs of his wife and family.
So exactly how is it that a man should love his wife? Let’s look to the text of Ephesians chapter 5 for some clues . . .
Teach. A husband teaches his wife, indicating a need to be the spiritual leader and teacher of the household. Remember prophet, priest, and king? Too many times, due to the man’s inaction and passivity, the wife becomes spiritually advanced and then is tempted to take spiritual matters into her own hands. When this happens she openly disrespects her husband and does not fully submit to him. But this usually has something to do with the fact that the man’s love failed because he did not keep ahead. He was too proccupied with other things. I am convinced a husband needs to study the Scriptures and be versed in the various points of view in order to be conversant on spiritual matters and to be able to answer the questions of wife and children. How could you become the teacher of your household?
Cherish. The Greek word in the text comes from a root which means to warm or to heat, indicating the warmth of genuine affection. While you need sex, your wife needs affection and warmth. She is more willing to respond sexually (submit) when her needs for affection are met. I believe you meet those through respectful manners, kind words and deeds, and expressions of love and devotion that touch her heart. Give attention to the romance of the relationship. I note that a young suitor often expresses love in romantic ways to win his girl’s affection, but often forgets to do that after the wedding. Love your wife by continuing the romance, wooing her over and over again.
Sanctify. To sanctify means to set apart. You sanctify your wife be making her feel special, your one-and-only. Your wife needs to feel you are particularly devoted to her, that she is the most cherished and beautiful person to you in the world. She needs to feel that your expressions of love (verbal and physical) are genuine and directed to her.
The important thing to remember about the way of a man with a maid is that it is a relationship cycle or system, where the efforts of one affect the efforts of the other. Remember the principle: man initiates, woman responds. The way of a man with a maid is that a godly man pursues a woman he believes he can love with his whole heart for the rest of his life, and he declares his love and devotion to her. If she is convinced he truly loves her and is devoted to caring for her, she responds and submits through respect, trust, and feeling secure. This is an emotional response.
Through the years of marriage the cycle should tighten as the man continually demonstrates his love for her. She deepens her respect, trust, and sense of security and well-being. It should only get better.
Next week: Thoughts of love and sex in the marriage relationship. Warning, this one will be for mature audiences only, so be advised.
I’m wondering if all the effort I put into earning my wife’s submission is part of the command for me to love my wife. Paul admonished Ephesian husbands to love their wives “as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her” (Eph. 5:25).
Love is universally misunderstood. Despite what our culture tells you, love has little to do with warm fuzzies and sentimental notions brought on by a rush of hormones. Although feelings are great, genuine love remains long after the euphoria of romance fades. To love is to remain unconditionally committed to someone. It is a covenantal relationship. In marriage it is a patriarchal relationship. It is a relationship in which a man is heavily invested in the care and protection of his wife and all who are under his authority.
Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Jesus invested his earthly ministry in a few men and gave them authority and power to continue the work. Then he went to the cross to complete the sacrificial system, pay the sin debt of humanity, and then pave the way for the beginning of the church. This suggests that a husband’s love is sacrificial in that he puts aside his own interests to tend the greater needs of his wife and family.
So exactly how is it that a man should love his wife? Let’s look to the text of Ephesians chapter 5 for some clues . . .
Teach. A husband teaches his wife, indicating a need to be the spiritual leader and teacher of the household. Remember prophet, priest, and king? Too many times, due to the man’s inaction and passivity, the wife becomes spiritually advanced and then is tempted to take spiritual matters into her own hands. When this happens she openly disrespects her husband and does not fully submit to him. But this usually has something to do with the fact that the man’s love failed because he did not keep ahead. He was too proccupied with other things. I am convinced a husband needs to study the Scriptures and be versed in the various points of view in order to be conversant on spiritual matters and to be able to answer the questions of wife and children. How could you become the teacher of your household?
Cherish. The Greek word in the text comes from a root which means to warm or to heat, indicating the warmth of genuine affection. While you need sex, your wife needs affection and warmth. She is more willing to respond sexually (submit) when her needs for affection are met. I believe you meet those through respectful manners, kind words and deeds, and expressions of love and devotion that touch her heart. Give attention to the romance of the relationship. I note that a young suitor often expresses love in romantic ways to win his girl’s affection, but often forgets to do that after the wedding. Love your wife by continuing the romance, wooing her over and over again.
Sanctify. To sanctify means to set apart. You sanctify your wife be making her feel special, your one-and-only. Your wife needs to feel you are particularly devoted to her, that she is the most cherished and beautiful person to you in the world. She needs to feel that your expressions of love (verbal and physical) are genuine and directed to her.
The important thing to remember about the way of a man with a maid is that it is a relationship cycle or system, where the efforts of one affect the efforts of the other. Remember the principle: man initiates, woman responds. The way of a man with a maid is that a godly man pursues a woman he believes he can love with his whole heart for the rest of his life, and he declares his love and devotion to her. If she is convinced he truly loves her and is devoted to caring for her, she responds and submits through respect, trust, and feeling secure. This is an emotional response.
Through the years of marriage the cycle should tighten as the man continually demonstrates his love for her. She deepens her respect, trust, and sense of security and well-being. It should only get better.
Next week: Thoughts of love and sex in the marriage relationship. Warning, this one will be for mature audiences only, so be advised.
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