The way of a man with a maid

Mature content warning: The content of the journal entries on “the way of a man and a maid” may be sexually explicit at times. Marriage is a covenantal sexual relationship between a man and a woman and there is no use in trying to politely explain that away. If you are squeamish over frank discussion of sex in a Christian context you might want to go to this website today instead. Seriously, I need to discuss content for mature men so please steer children away.

In a recent journal entry I promised to post some of my discoveries and thoughts on the love-respect relationship between a man and a woman. It seems that men and women regard each other in different ways, and these work together to create a deep and abiding relationship between the two which will last a lifetime and grows more intimate and intense as time passes. Men, as I am discovering, the majority of the responsibility lies with us to keep the intensity going.

Solomon confessed that “the way of a man with a maid” was too wonderful for him to understand (Prov. 30:19). Apparently he was right, because his 700 wives and 300 concubines, mostly taken for economic or political advancement, turned his heart away from serving the Lord (1 Ki. 11:1-8).

Even with all those wives to keep him satisfied Solomon struggled with marital fidelity. He apparently had an illicit affair with the Queen of Sheba when she paid him a state visit. She was overcome by his grandeur, and “there was no more spirit in her” (1 Ki. 10:5). She was seduced by his prowess. She made herself vulnerable and “spoke with him about all that was in her heart,” (1 Ki. 10:2) without assurance of his covenant commitment. Persistent rumor has it that she went home to Sheba, now Ethiopia, pregnant with his child, and that a line of Ethiopian kings descended from him.

Solomon’s problem was that he did not understand the relationship between genuine love between a husband and wife, and the sexual relationship they share as an integral part of that love. The way of a man with a maid is indeed complex, but taking the time to search out its mysteries and apply its wisdom will help marriages grow strong and deeply satisfying. In a time when now more than half of professed Christians divorce that is welcome news.

I have read that men tend to be promiscuous by nature, probably because our biological role in reproduction is limited to a brief encounter. Without covenantal and moral restraints a man moves from partner to partner for sexual fulfillment. In fact I believe this is happening more today as social restraints on sexual expression are being relaxed. I heard recently that as many as two-thirds of all births are by unwed mothers.

Ancient Hebrew culture developed patriarchy as a means of restraining sexual activity in a moral way, and redirecting masculine energies to caring for their wives and children. In Hebrew thought the image of father was one of adoptive love, covenant bonding, tenderness, and compassion.

Even in covenantal relationships the tendency to promiscuity is intense. Men are visual by nature and drawn to feminine beauty. We must establish disciplines and ways to redirect powerful attractions and drives back into our covenantal relationships with our wives. That is why understanding the way of a man with a maid is so critical.

Thankfully God has given us a way to direct our passions in holy and honorable ways. After all the marriage bed is indeed undefiled (Heb. 13:4). The Bible is clear that sexual energies are intended to be directed toward and contained within the marital covenant. If both husband and wife understand this, and respond in the manner in which God created them, the degree of intimacy and release will be fulfilling for both. But we must understand the mystery of the man with the maid.

The apostle Paul gives us what I believe is brilliant psychological insight with the language of wives submitting, husbands loving. This is grossly misunderstood and misapplied if not ignored today. But it remains in Scripture and must be equitably dealt with. The love-respect cycle between man and woman begins in courtship and really should be repeated throughout marriage. The circle should draw tighter and more intense through the years.

My next few journal entries will explore further the mystery of the man with a maid in the love-respect cycle. Be prepared for direct and mature content. It is essential to get the point across.